Going Postal on Your Kids & Other Things You Don’t Want to Do

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This morning I lost it.

Full on crazy-eyed, belong-in-the-loony-bin bonkers.

One can only take so much. And this morning the combination of freshly laundered sheets soaked in urine, basket of hair pretties being spilled all over the bathroom floor, stinky diapers, toast crumbs being flung everywhere, four kids asking for four things at once, husband needing a lunch, little Miss Smart-But-Flighty failing to get ready for the 3rd time I asked, all in a span of 30 minutes, was more than my frazzled brain could handle.

I pride myself on being cool and calm in the face of chaos. I mean, come on, you don’t have four kids for a quiet life.

But today my sin nature was in plain view. “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do.” Paul, I feel your lament in Romans 7. I couldn’t hide the true state of my soul. I certainly can talk a good talk and look together on the outside sometimes, but when the pendulum isn’t swinging my way, I do what I do not want to do.

In this rental house, we have a unique sewer situation. Unlike most sewer systems, there is a small holding tank that needs to be emptied every few weeks. All of the water and sewer from our house is stored and when it reaches near capacity level, an alarm goes off in the garage. Last night the alarm went off, alerting us that the tank would soon spill over if we didn’t get the septic guy out soon.

I wish I had an alarm for when I was going to emotionally spill over.

I was surprised by the yelling that put my daughter in tears, and felt terrible and ashamed. I apologized and hopefully she felt at peace by the time she boarded the bus.

In the wake of doing things I don’t want to do, my instinct is renewed personal resolve: “I am going to power through better next time. I’m not going to let petty things ruin my cool.”

Somehow, that never works. I sin again. I do what I do not want to do over and over.

We can not keep it together on our own. There is no alarm that will sound right before our sin nature is about to flow over. There is no amount of personal resolve that can prevent us doing what we do not want to do in our own strength.

So we often find ourselves on the other side of a bad morning sitting in frustration and shame. What then?

Well, I am grateful for the reminder that I am a sinner, that I am not God, and I DO need a Savior when I see the consequences of my sinful actions. I become dethroned as ruler of my life as I saunter away from my sins, tail between my legs.

But the real joy that can come as a result of sin is experiencing the great mercy of our God to forgive us over and over. He keeps on loving us even though we’re not performing up to our own standards or his standards.

It’s the ultimate receiving of mercy—undeserved kindness and a testament of his grace—unearned favor and standing before God.

No matter what sin burden you are carrying, turn it over to Jesus. Don’t lose heart (2 Corinthians 4:16) in your “bad mothering,” lust, selfishness, greed or other struggles, but let yourself bask in the mercy of God, who wants to renew us.

We are forgiven and loved sinners with the opportunity for daily renewal, no matter how postal we go on a school morning.

 

 

Comments

  1. Amen, sister! I so appreciate your honesty. I definitely have my belong-in-the-loony-bin moments, and I’m so thankful that God’s grace covers all of it. Yay for Write 31 Days!

    • Yes to grace! And thankful that we’ve almost made it through #write31days. I’ll come check out your site soon and say hi!

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