Peace in the Chaos

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I should be coming undone right now…

  • I have lots of littles. (Always a complexity factor).
  • I just got done working full time hours for six weeks (when i usually work less than 1/2 that).
  • We’re in the middle of a move. (Why do we have ants in our pants? We’re always moving but at least this one is just a cross-town situation).
  • My bedroom looks like pic above. Just piles and a mattress on the floor.
  • There are copious renovations going on at the house we’re moving to. (New to this– just WOW on all the decisions, details and logistics).
  • I’m watching four extra kids for three days (while our good friends take a vision trip to the site of their potential long-term mission field). Do the math— my four plus their four is: 8. Sort of a daunting number of kids to track.
  • This week my baby has been sick and I’ve got worse sleep than when he was a newborn. (A solid 7 hours has eluded me for months).
  • And so on….

I remember someone asking when we put our current house on the market  when there was two feet of snow on the ground in February and no chance we’d have an offer soon, “When do you hope your house sells?”

I honestly couldn’t pick a date that would work with all of the things I would have wanted to factor in. (my daughter finishing out her school year, our new house getting fully renovated, not having to pay two mortgages since we bought a home before we sold our other one).

It was right about then I felt so overwhelmed that I just kind of gave up on my usual way of doing things. As the responsibilities and upcoming changes piled up in my mind, I soon realized that there was no way I could PLAN or CONTROL my way through this season. My modus operandi would fail me, so I had to let go…and just go along for the ride.

…And what a ride it’s been. Every day I’ve been a by-stander as I watched God work out every detail.

“God, just sell our house in your timing.” Two weeks on the market was His timing. Which also meant we’ll be closing one day before our first mortgage payment is due on our new home and will have avoiding ever having to pay two at once.

“God, show us what to do with our daughter’s school situation.” There was one spot left in the kindergarten in the  district we’re moving to.

“God, would you work this day out for your glory?” Hundreds of tiny minutia just weaving together when it comes to , childcare, appointments, reno decisions, selling items, packing, moving, getting errands done, having spontaneous conversations with people, etc .

“God, I haven’t been able to really prepare for my speech at the research conference at work because of everything going on, would you help me?” One of my better talks.

“God, I have absolutely no patience or energy to deal with this situation.” He gave me grace that is beyond my own abilities.

So often, I’m tugging and pulling to make things happen and I live in a state of frustration. Letting God take over the details is so freeing; it’s like floating. Watching Him work the web of people’s lives all for His glory is simply a jaw-dropping experience. And right now, I’m floored by what He has done recently in the details of my life.

It hasn’t been all positive and all easy. There’s been some swearing in my head, doubt, anger and other sins. Right now I’m more tired and drained than I’ve been in a long, long time. But as I reflect over the past couple of months, I’m humbled to be serving a God that is so ORGANIZED and in CONTROL that His plan is consistently moving forward according to His will.

Any time in life I think I’m in control, it’s an illusion anyway. I’m hoping that the excitement of watching Him work will help me not go back to fighting my way to the front of the line again, trying to take charge and march forward my way. Won’t I remember–this chaos and the peace I can have because I’m floating through it all His way? I know He’s ready to take control of the reigns for any of us whenever we’re able to open our hands up long enough to hand them over. And there’s no more peaceful way to live.

 

 

Comments

  1. You never cease to amaze and inspire me in the best of ways! Thanks for letting God shine through you!